A Heavenly Ordered Home

There are three things that have been filling my cup this week — pregnancy hormones, S.W.A.T. on Netflix, and Follow Her Lead by David Kendall. And somehow, they’re all related — Hear me out.  

S.W.A.T. is a TV series that follow a team of officers in LA (I’m a sucker for a good cop show). And these pregnancy hormones have made my light viewing of Netflix each evening turn into heart-breaking realizations.  Essentially, every single episode reveals the utter brokenness of our humanity.  And rather than feeling a self-righteous sense of justice when the bad guys get caught, I’ve been sympathizing and overwhelmed with sadness.  So many of those “bad guys” are simply reacting to their trauma — they’re just trying to survive.  And all of their relationships are so, so broken.  

Okay, here comes Follower Her Lead. I haven’t finished the book yet, but chapter two wrecked me. This chapter outlines the Creation story with a specific framework looking at Adam and Eve’s relationship. When God created the world, Adam and Eve were perfectly paired, united to co-lead, to co-exist, to co-care for the rest of creation. Eve wasn’t there to help her husband as if she was less than.  God completed the birth of humanity through the union of two; separate, but entirely reliant on the relationship with the other, Adam and Eve were the intended man (man, referring to humanity as a whole).  The two were not to be isolated from each other.  And if there were a separation of entity to be understood, it was the relationship shared between God and humanity (Adam AND Eve).  

But here’s where I found myself weeping uncontrollably.  The silent voice of doubt, insecurity, fear, pride crept in and Eve and Adam found themselves naked and ashamed.  The consequence of disrespecting that first marriage between God and man resulted in an eternal division between Adam and Eve.  Eve would have to live in a “man’s-world” and Adam would be at conflict with even the dirt he tried to turn. (If you read the book, pages 47-49 will also wreck you in the most humbling way possible.) 

Fast forward, this is still the world we live in and a basic cop TV show is officially enough to send me over the edge at 6 months pregnant. I told you they were all connected! 

Now I know this isn’t the end of the story.  Scripture gives us a glimpse at what is to come.  But until then, my heart has been so heavy. I love my marriage.  I love my husband and who we’ve become over the last 4 years since our first date.  Jacob intentionally and innately steps out of this “man’s-world” and gives me a sneak peak of what following her lead looks like — what following my lead looks like.  

But even in this beauty and goodness, I see the brokenness in our marriage too.  What we have is SO good, and yet so imperfect.  And existing in this juxtaposition has felt overwhelming.  What we find in the center of this dichotomy is a desperation for heavenly reconciliation.  

Reflecting on these three things has also helped me reclaim dignity in my womanhood.  I am not created from an Adam as if my creation deems me secondary in command. I am not called to be a helper in the sense of staying quiet and out of the way.  And my husband isn’t created to make all the decisions by himself either! He is not solely responsible for our household and well-being.  In the Eden God made with His very words, the Adam and Eve were to be two of one.  And that is the marriage we aspire to commit to.    

Realistically, what does that look like?  Well, take inventory.  What are your gifts?  What are you naturally good at?  What part of parenting, adulthood, professionalism, discipleship, vision-building are you passionate about? What about your spouse? 

In my household, I’m the pastoral presence.  I’m more sensitive to the Spirit’s movement on a day to day basis and that means a lot of family discipleship is led through me.  Not that my husband doesn’t participate spiritually too — He often prays before dinner, he has his devotionals before bed, he is an active member at our church and supports me as I volunteer too.  But my gifting and opportunity is that I stay home and walk with God with our children while he’s out for work.

I’m also the home caretaker.  I manage the decor, the laundry, the meal-prep. 

Okay, but what about Jacob? He co-leads so well! He faithfully provides abundantly for our household.  He manages our future financial planning.  He keeps us grounded and safe emotionally.  Jacob brings laughter into our home and reminds me to look up from my long list of to-dos. He manages our vehicles and our day to day budget.  

Neither of us belittle the other.  We do not mock or shame.  We speak to each other with respect and we strive to always make positive assumptions about the other person.  We pray for and with each other.  We share our dreams, our aches and pains, our frustrations, our goals.  We are doing our best to step out of this “man’s-world” and into a more heavenly ordered home.  

And oh, how deeply do I wish this was common knowledge.  How I wish my neighbors knew the tangible ways God interacts with us here and now.  I wish people knew the freedom of loving our Creator.  I wish more people knew the heart of God and could experience just a glimpse into what was intended for us and this whole big world.  But even more so, I wish more people would receive the gospel and allow its Truth to radically transform their lives and relationships.  

A heavenly ordered home.   I typed that phrase a few paragraphs above and it’s still hitting me. Maybe that should be our prayer and our new expectation.  I want a heavenly ordered home, one that transcends time, culture, language, or tradition.  Yes, a heavenly ordered home.